I really do. And it loves me, I think. (OMG, I’m starting to sound like the Barney Song. Somebody shoot me, please!) But there is a reason why Volkswagens are sometimes referred to as ‘Hitler’s Revenge’. All of this because my battery is dead. At least I HOPE that’s why it won’t start.
I thought that my former bug had the battery located in the most inconvenient place possible. Under the back seat. Yup, that makes it really easy to get to when you need to jump start the car. It’s easier to just push start it. By yourself. No, I don’t have a picture of me doing that. Wish I did. LOL
That was until I got my bus. My bus has a funky CD player that plays when it feels like it. And it often feels like it when I’m not around. Soon after I bought the PokeyBus, I was in my bedroom, wondering what idiot was blasting their music outside. Then I listened more, and realized that the idiot was playing Lesiem. I LOVE Lesiem. I’m the only one I know who listens to them. And I realized that I was the idiot blasting the music, or technically, my bus was the idiot. I had failed to remove the faceplate to make sure the darned thing stayed off, and it had turned itself on to play my favorite CD.
This was one of the lucky times. Often the radio would turn itself on and run down my battery, and I wouldn’t realize it until I needed to go somewhere and the bus wouldn’t start. So I go to the back of the bus, open the ??? What do you call the door in the back that leads to the engine compartment? It’s not a hood, there’s a trap door above, so it’s not the trap door. How about engine compartment lid? Yeah, that works, even though it’s vertical and most lids I know of are horizontal.
Anyway, I open the hood and look for the battery. I have 2 - the regular battery and an RV battery that runs the faucet in the sink and the fridge that I don’t use. The regular batter is in the far right far rear corner. You can barely see it when you stick your head in the engine compartment as far as you can, which isn’t very far. And guess what, it’s wedged in there so tight that if you want to get it out, you have to open the trap door on top and remove the air filter first. And you’ll STILL scrape all your knuckles doing it. And that’s the easy part, getting it back in there will cause you to invent new swear words after you’ve used up your (hopefully) small repertoire of known swear words.
So I learned my lesson after the first time: don’t remove the battery unless you’re replacing it. Either jump the bus, or get a battery charger and charge it on the street, hoping no one steals your charger and extension cord.
BUT - getting the cable clamps on the posts on the battery is also a knuckle shredder. See, you can’t see. You stick your hand in there and it blocks your view of what you’re doing, and you have to work blind. You risk connecting a circuit and getting your hair curled, not to mention your fingers broken when you pull back so quickly you ram them into the air filter. And did I mention the battery is on the RIGHT SIDE? And most people are RIGHT HANDED? And the only way to get in there is with your LEFT hand, so you’re even more klutzy trying to connect the cables that you can’t see anyway than you would be if you were using your dominant hand. I’ve had to do this many times until I built the habit of removing the face plate from my radio.
Well, now I’m in Nevada and there’s snow on the ground. Last night it got down to 8 degrees. It’s been below freezing every night for a month. And my car won’t start. The battery sounds sluggish. This isn’t the same sound as I get when I haven’t driven for a while and there’s no gas in the carburetor or fuel injection thingy or whatever. When my bug had that problem, I’d just jump on the running board and rock the bug until it got some gas in there, and it started right up. It’s harder to rock the bus, but after a few minutes, it gets gas and will start.
But this is a sluggish battery, probably caused by cold. It needs to be charged. I think. I tried to jump it with my handy Black and Decker battery. This thing is really cool - it’s a battery that will jump start your car, pump air in your tires, and run AC/DC small appliances (like my laptop). I think it makes coffee too, except I don’t know for sure since I don’t drink coffee.
EVERYONE should have one of these in their trunk. It recharges from AC or DC. It’s great safety device, and I’ve used it several times. Much faster and safer than trying to find someone to help you jump your car.
So, I tried to jump the car, and it’ wouldn’t start. I pull off the cable clamps and the battery cable pulls off as well. Great, I have to stick my knuckles in there even more and try to reconnect it blind, without electrocuting myself, and then get the thing tightened on so it won’t come off again. First I have to loosen it. How did it come off it it’s too tight for me to come close to putting it back on? I don’t know.
Speaking of loose, there’s a bracket on the engine that’s empty. I wonder what is supposed to be there, and I see the coil hanging by it’s wires. (Aren’t you proud of me for being able to identify the coil?) Now the coil would just LOVE to curl your hair for you, so you have to be extra careful when handling it. Once again, it managed to be loose enough to work its way out, but I can’t get it back in the bracket without loosening the bracket. Did I mention it’s COLD outside (20 degrees) and there’s snow everywhere. And I’m not anxious to get my one warm coat covered with engine grease while messing around in the engine compartment? And that I’m NOT a mechanic, and only know enough to be dangerous under the hood?
So, battery cable is back on, coil is back in its clamp, battery charger is clamped to the battery, and my hair is still relatively straight. Knuckles received minimal damage, mostly because I didn’t remove the battery. Now the big question is, will Hitler’s Revenge, oops, I mean the PokeyBus start for me? I’ve exhausted my knowledge of starting dead cars. It’s not making dead starter clicking noises, and it’s making enough starting noises to not be the alternator, so everyone say a prayer that the PokeyBus starts tomorrow. I put it on slow charge, which gives a better charge to the battery (so I’m told) and it will charge overnight, if the charger doesn’t freeze along with everything else.
Really, PokeyBus, I do love you. I’m not calling YOU Hitler’s Revenge, that’s the other Volkswagens. I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family….
Shoot me, please!
